Rediscovering Self Love

 

 

Quite a few years ago now…how I lost and found myself…

There was a time when my days were filled with emptiness and apathy…you could also label it depression, but to me it was a lack of self love. I knew there was something missing in me. It became quite apparent to me once I entered motherhood. For me this was a major deconstruction of who I was, or more accurately who I thought I was supposed to be. I willingly sacrificed so much of myself for my children…as did my mother and my grandmothers before me. I lost touch with myself, with my needs, wants, passion, desires. I was so lost, that soon I had forgotten about the very things I loved to do in my life. I was being so hard on myself, judging myself, constantly seeing where I was not good enough, lacking or could have been better.

It took years of self-reflection, meditation and healing for me to rediscover my passions and what I loved to do in life. And learning how to love myself wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Firstly I learnt how to simply slow down each day. I stopped comparing myself to others, and realised my pace was my pace. I could no longer live up to the harsh expectations I placed upon myself fuelled by the belief that I was not enough. This change was huge! And the tiny seeds of self-love were finally given the space to bloom. Awareness of  my negative and destructive thoughts increased. There was so much self- judgement, and at the crux of it all “I’m not enough” just kept popping up. I surrendered and allowed all my inner thoughts space and validation…..to just be. To simply love and accept what is. The resistance was always the barrier to freedom. Soon I started to hear myself say “I am enough, simply because I am.” :) Which soon evolved into “I am magnificent, simply because I am.”

Through the rediscovering process I went to many healing retreats, sound journeys, released my built up frustrations through primal dance. I remembered my love of music and picked up my guitar again. I started a women’s full moon healing circle and reconnected with like hearted women in the community. I discovered my voice once again. And I allowed it to be. An extremely empowering experience.

I was beginning to feel the space within emerge for new creative endeavours. An outlet for my creativity had been aching and bursting at the seams to come to life. My love cup was filling up with all these acts of kindness. I no longer felt like I was running on empty or merely surviving each day. I was beginning to enjoy life once again and the sparkle in my eyes that was momentarily lost returned.

It’s been many years now and I can only look back with complete gratitude for this journey, as it allowed me to open up to a much richer path of possibilities and discoveries. I find myself still shedding old beliefs daily, creating and choosing new positive, peaceful thoughts that are based upon self-love and an alignment with a higher vibration. This blossoming is what brought me back to a passion of mine that was long forgotten – a passion for spontaneous creativity. A natural innate flow that courses through my veins. I remember a time when I envisioned inspirational images in my minds eye…I saw visions of delicate beauty that flowed seamlessly with nature. A vision of a primal soul adorned with magical jewels, in touch with the rhythm of life’s cycles. She dances in ecstasy and joy under the moon, by the fire, with the gentle earth caressing her feet. Always grounded and connected to the earth. Her flowing skirt shimmery by the light of the moon, a smoky haze accentuates her softness, dust kicks up from the ground like a million sparkling stars. Her inner light is illuminated, and she shines both inside and out.

I absolutely love to create a feeling, an image, a style that evokes passion and inspiration in others. This rippling effect brings me great joy and this expression flows so effortlessly through me.

I feel like a painter, painting the canvas that is my body, adorning it with precious pieces of beautifully crafted clothing, magical jewels and gems. I am transformed through this process. This is my alchemy.

Following my passion is one way I show love to myself….sharing it is my way of inspiring self love and creativity to all who cross my path.

With love, light and gratitude,

Helen  xx

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